Perfectionism Steals My Happiness

I used to be proud of my perfectionism. By being a perfectionist, it means I'm perfect-- may be not me, but I'm indirectly implying that my work should be perfect. As I grow older, I found that it is slowly consuming my soul and my life because:

1. I'll never feel happy when something has not completed yet.

When I was studying, it's often easier to get things done right NOW before I slept, because things were always within my control and I'm the only determinant that determines whether the task can be done right now or not. But as I grow older, especially in my work life, I realise I'm no longer the only determinant... my progress can be largely dependant on those I work with. It'll stay on my mind until... it's 'perfect'.

2. I find myself focusing on petty things that don't matter.

You'd find me looking at something over and over again to see if I do it correctly... You might say, "Hmm well, this is quite normal." Do you proof-read your no-more-than-20-words reply to your clients on WhatsApp as long as I do?

3. I lost the most precious asset of my life-- time.

This is easy to fathom. I spend unreasonable time to check and refine my work because of my perfectionism. It's the worst thing ever if the feeling of being 'imperfect' is happened a day before the weekend. Guess what? Feeling uneasy for the whole weekend and thus, sacrificing my most precious time with my loved ones because my heart will never be with them.

4. I become too aware of how people would judge me.

This is especially annoying since I'm in the service industry. When I couldn't help my client to settle something right now (again, because I'm not the only determinant), I let it haunts me until it is settled because I'd think my service needs to be perfect. And because of the need to be 'perfect' every time, I tend to become overly-tolerant of other people's request-- even if it's quite an absurd one. All because my service needs to be perfect for them. I could not let go of shits.

5. I punish myself when things become 'imperfect'.

This is the most depressing fact of all-- I am having record low self-confidence as compared to the past (which was already very low). As I'm new in the industry, I make mistakes and I get hammered-- I know it's quite typical for a newbie. But it's effortful for me to take it lightly. I'd often question my ability to ever succeed when shit happens. Although deep down in my heart I am very aware that this is the nutritions I ever need to become outstanding one day, I'll still need many rounds of self-battles to fight against the negative-thoughts army in my mind. And I guarantee you, it's really tiring.

If there's any thing that I can do to help balance my perfectionism... Thank you, you just finished reading this-- I write my frustration out to remind myself of the problems of being an extreme perfectionist, together with a quote (the picture above), and my life mantra to stop myself from spoiling my life ever again:

If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things. -Albert Einstein.

I don't know about you, but I find it sitting at the top of my to-overcome list because I want to live a happy life. It's crucial for me to really understand and practice the meaning that one is successful not because of the perfect appearance of herself or her work, but how determined she is to go through every weakness, hardship, and failures. First things first, learn to LET IT GO, can't hold it back anymore.

p/s: If you meet someone who is a perfectionist, you need to know how much simple words like 'Thank you' and 'Good' mean to him/her. Just 8-letters the most, you help him/her to walk through the rainy days that he/she has. You may say, "Why you crave for other's approval so much?" Why then, you're not willing to at least say thank you for the 'perfect' work that they pour their souls in? I can assure you, the 'perfectionism syndrome' can be much lessened, and you help saving their cheerless lives. You help them feel better of their works and themselves.

#TalkTalk